Greetings from the Future
by sakana3
Summary: In which an annoying kid from the future comes to bother Aizen.
1. Chapter 1

At 5:00 a.m., it was generally quiet in Las Noches. It was during this time that everyone was too sleepy to start any fights. Aizen Sosuke slowly walked to his throne room. It was only during the time that was_ technically _morning that he did not regret using the arrancar. During every other moment of the day and night, he found himself constantly asking himself and Ichimaru why he chose to make these noisy, violent beings his minions. It was, he mused, similar to the feeling of a parent of an undisciplined child. However, he did not intend to ever have any children. He slid open the door to the throne room and what he saw made his jaw nearly drop onto the floor. Aizen quickly slammed the door shut, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He slowly counted to three and opened the door again. The door was instantly shut again. Aizen shook his head. He must be hallucinating from lack of sleep, because he swore he saw a teenage boy sleeping upside down on _his_ throne.

_Okay, Sosuke _he thought to himself, _even if it isn't a hallucination, you can take care of it. If you've outwitted all of Soul Society, you can take care of one teenage boy. _

He steeped into the room again. To his great relief, the boy had vanished. Sighing, he settled into his throne. Then, he felt cold hands wrap themselves around his throat. His hand immediately went for Kouga Sugetsu. Upon discovering that his zanpakuto had vanished, he began to panic. Even if Soul Society posed no danger to him, perhaps he could be vulnerable to his paranoid hallucinations. Just as he was thinking how humiliating it would be to eventually lose to the Thirteen Companies because of his paranoia, a voice near his ear whispered "Boo!"

Aizen instantly spun around to find the teenage boy he saw earlier, grinning at him. Aizen blinked. He was confused, but not because he did not sense the boy's spiritual pressure-this could be blamed on lack of sleep-, but because of the boy's striking resemblance to Ichimaru. He had silver hair that has tousled and blue eyes. Although it was less creepy, his smile also seemed similar to Ichimaru's. However, he could have passed for a normal twelve-year-old. Instead of shinigami or arrancar clothes, the kid wore jeans and a white T-shirt that said in black letters- "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with nonsense". He had a pair of black headphones on his head.

"Who are you?" asked Aizen, glaring at the kid.

At that moment, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra chose to come in, leading three arrancar and a teenage girl.

"Aizen-sama," said Ulquiorra, "These four say they have an audience with you."

"We, Aizen-sama," said the smallest arrancar, "were sent from our superior. We wish to have an audience with you."

Aizen looked from the grinning boy behind him to the four in front of him, and decided he wanted an explanation.

"Fetch Ichimaru and Tousen," he commanded to Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, "Then leave us."

Minutes later, a drowsy Ichimaru and Tousen came in.

"What does our grand leader want so early in the morning?" asked Ichimaru sarcastically, "Maybe he wants us to cure his insomnia. Then maybe we can all go to sleep."

"Silence, Ichimaru," reprimanded Tousen; "Your unwillingness to do as Aizen-sama commands is disgraceful."

"Silence, both of you," ordered Aizen, "And hear what these-um- _people _have to say."

The largest arrancar reached into his pocket and produced a small device about two by two by two inches. He touched a button and a screen appeared. While he worked with the device, the girl glared at the boy.

"Ichimaru!" she yelled, "You idiot! You always have to make a grand entry, don't you?"

Ichimaru looked questioningly at Tousen, who in turn looked blankly at Aizen, who obviously had no clue what was going on. Finally, the arrancar finished setting the device and turned to Aizen.

"Aizen-sama," he said, "We are from the future."

He switched on the device and Aizen found himself looking at an image of what looked like an older version of himself.

"Greetings," said the person on the screen, "I am Aizen Sosuke. I assume you are from the past?"


	2. Chapter 2

"What sort of joke is this?" were the first words out of Aizen's mouth after the person in the screen introduced himself.

"It's not a joke," said Aizen #2, "Seeing as you might fail and mess up _my _life, I've sent a few arrancar to help you out."

"What about the kids?" demanded Aizen #1.

The color was gradually returning to his face and he felt irritated that someone thought that he would fail.

"Oh, Toki absolutely _insisted _on going," replied Aizen #2, with a dark smile that suggested Toki did not insist on anything except staying where he originally was.

"And the girl?" inquired Aizen #1.

Aizen #2 ignored this question and proceeded with his instructions.

"The arrancar will more or less listen to you, so you don't have to worry about them," he said, "Natsuko- which is the girl, if you haven't figured that out- is okay as long as you don't do anything stupid."

"You didn't mention the boy," said Aizen #1 suspiciously.

"Just don't give him sugar," instructed Aizen #2 after a moment of consideration.

Then, the screen turned black.

The big arrancar picked up the device and tucked it away.

"Well," said the medium arrancar, who had not spoken till now, "If you don't mind, Aizen-sama, I believe we should introduce ourselves."

"Go ahead," said Ichimaru, answering for Aizen, "Then maybe we can all go to bed."

Tousen promptly scowled at him. Aizen waved a hand, indicating for the arrancar to begin.

"I am Tullio Cerres," said the medium arrancar, "Espada number 4."

"Tommo Ravenna," said the smallest arrancar, "Arrancar number ninety-five."

"Cosmo Dartemis," said the big arrancar, "Number eighty-seven."

"That's great!" exclaimed Ichimaru, jumping up, "We know the boy is Natsuko and the girl is Toki, so let's all go back to bed."

"Idiot!" yelled the girl, "_I'm _Natsuko!"

She threw her zanpakuto at Ichimaru, who ducked. The zanpakuto ended up hitting Aizen in a very- _delicate_ – spot.

By the time the arrancar had finished apologizing, Aizen had finished screaming, Toki had finished laughing, and Natsuko had finished yelling at Ichimaru, it was well past noon.

"Finally!" gasped Aizen, who was still recovering from his incident, "It's noon. I'm going to eat lunch."

"Wait!" called Toki, "Don't ya wanna hear 'suko's surname?"

"I don't really care what that woman's surname is," snarled Aizen.

"It's Aizen!" proclaimed Toki happily.

This was a really devious thing for Toki to do, because the great Aizen Sosuke, who had outwitted Soul Society, stared at him in disbelief, then toppled over in a dead faint.

When he woke up, Aizen found himselft, Ichimaru and Tousen in his bedroom. Unfortunately, Toki and Natsuko were also there. To make matters worse, Toki was jumping on _his_ bed.

"Get off," he growled, "You'll ruin the springs."

"That's why I'm jumping on it," replied Toki, "Don't you know that springs in the bed were made to be ruined?"

"I suppose you're Ichimaru's kid?" inquired Aizen.

"Nope!" said Toki, "I'm Kubo Titeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Baka!" yelled Natsuko, "You can't be the author! If you were the author, this whole series would be so random and off-topic that no one would bother to read it."

"He's Ichimaru Toki," she said to Aizen.

"Age 12, 5 feet 2 inches, and still singleeeeeeeeeeeee!" sang Toki.

"Where are the arrancar?" asked Aizen.

"Eating lunch, Aizen-sama," answered Tousen, "We should go too."

"I'm only here because Tousen made me," announced Ichimaru, "Now that you're awake, I'm going to lunch. And breakfast. We skipped breakfast."

"Lunch?" inquired Toki, his ears perking up, "Me first!"

He shunpoed out the door, leaving the four other shinigami behind.

"Come back here!" yelled Natsuko, racing after Toki.

"And then there were two," commented Ichimaru.

"Three," corrected Tousen, "Can't you count?"

"Two," insisted Ichimaru, as he shunpoed to the dining hall.

"Well, Aizen-sama," said Tousen, "I shall be in my room if you need me."

"Aren't you going to eat lunch?" asked Aizen.

"No," replied Tousen, "Inoue is cooking today."

"Then it should be okay," reasoned Aizen, "Aren't women suppose to cook better meals than men?"

Inoue Orihime was ecstatic. She was finally allowed some freedom. Today, she was to cook lunch for everyone. What would arrancar eat? Hopefully something normal, because Orihime was not about to cook people. Sadly, a single bite of what was "normal" by Orihime's standards would probably knock out even the strongest of arrancar. Perhaps they would like pasta? Orihime had found some in the kitchen. Or maybe they preferred mushroom soup. Orihime had tried it once and it tasted great. Then there were the three shinigami. What did shiningami eat? wondered Orihime. They probably ate normal food, but can arrancar eat normal food?

"Okay, then," announced Orihime, "I'll make some of everything!"

She called some of the kitchen workers over.

"Okay, guys," she said, "I will need the following ingredients from the human world: two hundred pounds of wasabi, twelve dozen extra large bottles of mayonnaise, twelve tons of chili peppers…"

As the list went on and on, the kitchen workers' faces grew greener and greener. One arrancar excused himself. Moments later, they all heard loud noises that sounded as if someone was puking violently.

"… and gourmet French snails for extra flavor," finished Orihime.

"Surely-surely you do not need this all today," said an arrancar, holding the sixty foot list of ingredients.

"Oh, I need them in an hour," said Orihime, "Good luck."

The kitchen attendants looked at each other in despair.

"We will get a few friends," muttered the arrancar with the list.

Aizen Sosuke was confused. Usually, everyone was present during meal times. However, today half of his army was absent, all claiming strange illnesses involving inability to eat. He also heard Ichimaru saying that they all found out what went into the lunch. The ones that seemed genuinely sick apparently found out what it tastes like.

_Fools _thought Aizen _how could one woman's cooking frighten you so? _

Soon, several arrancar arrived, carrying Orihime's masterpiece. Upon merely smelling it, half of the arrancar present instantly fainted. The other half ran for their lives, but they were no match for the aroma of Orihime's cooking. Now, only Aizen, Ichimaru, Toki, and Natsuko were left.

"No point in letting good food go to waste," said Aizen to Ichimaru.

"Oh, I absolutely _insist _that you go first, Aizen-sama," said Ichimaru deviously, "Perhaps a good meal shall make you feel better after today's events."

Aizen picked up something that looked like Mayuri's latest experiment gone wrong with his chopsticks and put it into his mouth. He felt a sudden urge to spit it out and start puking, but pride made him chew and swallow. He was about to stand up and leave, when his gaze fell on Toki. The boy had already finished three bowls!!!!

"What's the matter, Aizen-sama?" asked Toki, with his mouth full, "Stomachache?"

To make matters worse, all the arrancar had woken up. They all yelled at Toki in unison, "Don't mock Aizen-sama. He can eat more of that poison than you!"

They all looked expectantly at Aizen, whose stomach was threatening to explode. He glared at Toki, who continued onto his eight bowl.

_I will __not __lose to you _thought Aizen furiously.

He picked up his chopsticks and took another bite of the food. This bite was even more agonizing than the first. Slowly and painfully, all of the food was finished. After counting the number of bowls, it turned out Aizen had won by half a bowl.

"Ha!" he gasped, "I've won."

"Darn!" said Toki, "Oh! I know! We can do this everyday at lunch!"

"Hey Orihime!" Toki called to the kitchen, "You're cooking everyday at lunch!"

This remark was met by an excited squeal from Orihime, who quickly began planning menus.

Aizen picked up a phone and betgan dialing.

"What are you doing?" asked Ichimaru.

"Seeing if Pizza Hut can deliver to transdimensional places," muttered Aizen.

After several calls, he gave up and headed for his bathroom. He was about to start puking into the toilet, but stopped and stared in horror. He staggered back, gasping. Apparently, someone had redecorated his bathroom and bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

Aizen gaped in horror at his room. His Piccolo posters (note: Piccolo is the guy who tries to take over the world in Dragonball) were replaced by pictures of pink flying ponies. A purple rug depicting blue fur balls covered the ground. At the head of his bed, five carebears were carefully arranged on his pillow. His bed sheets had pictures of a hideous unicorn. Under each grotesque unicorn was the sentence "Charlie, Charlie, Let's go to Candy Mountain".

The bathroom was even worse. The seat of the toilet was lined with magenta cushions. His toothpaste was replaced by bubblegum flavored toothpaste, which was in a Bob the Builder tube. Someone had written, "Love makes the world go round" in shaving cream on his mirror. The curtains of the shower now depicted huge rainbows on smiling clouds.

"Who-who did this?" stammered Aizen, who was at a lost for words due to pure, unadulterated rage.

It was a rhetorical question, as he was already fairly certain who had committed such a crime. Aizen reached for his zanpakuto only to remember it was gone. He screamed in frustration and fury. Unfortunately, the scream came out high pitched and resembling that of a terrified schoolgirl. To make matters worse, Ichimaru and Ulquiorra chose to step in just in time to hear Aizen's scream.

"Are you all right, Aizen-sama?" inquired Ulquiorra.

Then his gaze fell onto the room and he staggered back, speechless.

Ichimaru's reaction was somewhat different. His eyes widened slightly in surprise. However, he recovered from the shock quickly and his smile widened to the point which would be absolutely impossible for any normal man.

"Don't. You. Dare. Laugh," growled Aizen through gritted teeth.

"O-O-Of course not," replied Ichimaru, struggling not to crack up laughing.

"Ulquiorra," ordered Aizen, "Go fetch that Toki boy. Gin, help me take down all this stuff."

"Now, now, Aizen-sama," said Ichimaru as they began removing the decorations, "There's nothing to worry about. I'm sure it's just a phase. I hear when one turns middle-aged, one tends to do strange things."

He was obviously still trying very hard not to laugh. Instead of its usual pale color, his face was a dark reddish color. This was probably because of all the blood that had rushed to his head as he concentrated on not laughing.

"I didn't do this," snarled Aizen, throwing a carebear at Ichimaru, "That kid did. And I am _not _middle-aged."

The carebear bounced off of Ichimaru and a prerecorded voice said sweetly, "Violence is not the answer."

Now the bear was giving Aizen a lesson on manners? He completely lost his cool and he proceeded to killing the poor, innocent stuffed bear.

It was at that moment that Toki walked in, sucking a lollipop.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked lazily.

"Taking lessons from a carebear," answered Ichimaru.

They watched as Aizen wrestled with the carebear. Now, the funny thing was not that the great Aizen Sosuke was fighting a _carebear. _It was that the carebear was _winning._

"This guy is going to take over the world?" asked Ichimaru between fits of laughter.

"Go!" yelled Toki to the four other carebears, "Go help your fellow comrade!"

The carebears instantly jumped up and tackled Aizen. Aizen fought back, but five against one was too much for him.

"That's it!" he yelled, frustrated, "Destructive Spell Number Sixty-seven!"

In a flash of white light, the bears and the decorations were all blasted out the window.

"That's that," said Aizen, relieved.

"You cannot defeat me!" yelled a voice.

The three shinigami spun around to see……………..Kon!!!!!!!!!

"You?" exclaimed Aizen incredulously, "Aren't you Kurosaki's stuffed bear?"

"Silence!" yelled Kon, "How dare you insult me? I am obviously a noble lion!"

"Looks like a bear to me," said the three shinigami in unison.

"I SHALL CRUSH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Kon.

He uttered a war cry and launched himself off the bed and attempted to crash into Aizen. However, he misjudged the distance and ended up shooting out the window. Even if Kon was a little_ different _from everyone else, he too was subject to the laws of nature. Screaming, he plummeted straight down. Ichimaru, Aizen, and Toki leaned out the window just in time to see Orihime snatch Kon out of his free fall and pull him back into the palace. They exchanged a look and decided not to pursue the matter any further.

Suddenly, Aizen remembered the reason that he had summoned Toki in the first place.

"You!" he shrieked in fury, "You filled my room with those childish things!"

"Now, now," said Toki rather seriously, "You mustn't overreact like this. It's bad for your blood pressure."

"I'm sure you don't need me," said Ichimaru, slipping out the door.

"And you stole Kouga Suigestu!" yelled Aizen.

"I can't help it if a girl likes me better than you," replied Toki.

"It's my zanpakuto, not a girl!" shrieked Aizen, "And what sensible person would like you?"

"Ota-san likes me," argued Toki, who was still staying calm.

"Yeah, well Gin has mental problems," protested Aizen.

Toki gave Aizen a disappointed look.

"If your right hand man is mental, then what does it say about you?" he asked.

"I'm perfectly sane," snapped Aizen.

Toki shook his head. He was really enjoying this.

"Just look around you," he said, "You decorate your room with objects that a five-year-old likes, then blast it all out the window. Is that sane?"

"What!?" exclaimed Aizen incredulously, "_You _did that. _I _only got rid of it, just like a normal person would if someone destroyed their property."

"But you're the boss here," reasoned Toki, "I wouldn't _dare _to do a thing that displeases you."

"I never said I liked those childish objects!" yelled Aizen.

"You never said you didn't," replied Toki.

Aizen glared at him and stormed out of the room, speechless with rage.

"You forgot this," called Toki.

He threw a sixth carebear at Aizen. It bounced off of him and said in a sickly sweet voice, "Watch your attitude".

Aizen muttered something that sounded suspiciously like a kido spell and sent a stream of blue lightning at the carebear. Fortunately, the carebear dodged. Unfortunately, the carebear was Kouga Suigestu, disguised as a carebear. Shocked and hurt, she turned and ran. It was only when she rounded the corner that Aizen realized Toki had indeed returned his zanpakuto, in the form of a carebear.

"Wait!" he cried, running after her, "Come back! I'm sorry!"

Several arrancar stuck their heads out of doorways, wondering why their great, invincible leader was chasing after a carebear and apologizing to it.

Laughing to himself as he watched Aizen, Toki began planning his next prank.


	4. Chapter 4

Ulquiorra Schiffer walked down the long, white halls of Hueco Mundo, thinking. Not that he was stupid or anything, but it was very rare for Ulquiorra to think. It was even rarer for him to criticize Aizen.

_Why are all the walls white? _He wondered. _Is Aizen-sama colorblind? If he is colorblind does that mean he can't lead us? Maybe it's Gin or Kaname who are colorblind. Is Gin colorblind? I don't think so. Is Kaname colorblind? I think he's just regular blind. Maybe they ran out of paint. Can't they buy more? Maybe they're too lazy to paint the place. It looks dreadful. It looks like a funeral hall. Aren't funeral halls black? What are funeral halls anyway? Is there such thing? What would a black room look like? A red room looks like a murder scene. A pink room? Maybe orange? Or yellow. I think I'll like green. How about blue? Or maybe…_

His thoughts trailed off as he turned around a corner and headed up a flight of stairs. He passed Grimmjow's room. The door was wide open. Ulquiorra frowned, confused. It was not like Grimmjow to leave his door open. Usually, it was closed and locked with a sign that said "Keep Out or Die Screaming". This, and Grimmjow's reputation, usually kept even the most curious of arrancar away. So why was it open? Peering inside, the answer became clear. Ulquiorra blinked. The shinigami boy was inside. He was in the process of painting Grimmjow's room blue. Ulquiorra pondered for a while on what to do. The color _did _look nice, but Grimmjow was sure to throw a fit, even if the color was pleasant. And how would Aizen-sama react. Ulquiorra had seen him chasing a bluish bear earlier, so he supposed Aizen-sama would like the color. Shaking his head, he decided not to get involved in such matters. He turned around and began walking the other way.

He was only halfway down the stairs, when he heard a bloodcurdling scream. Then, because he was curious, he returned to Grimmjow's room, to find Grimmjow staring open mouthed at his once completely white room.

"I-I-It's _toothpaste_," he stammered, once he saw Ulquiorra.

The shinigami boy was no where in sight.

"Toothpaste?" inquired Ulquiorra, "I thought it was some sort of paint…"

"_Thought?_" snapped Grimmjow, suddenly, "You mean you saw this before…"

His voice trailed off as he realized-or assumed he realized- something.

"YOU!" yelled Grimmjow, pointing at Ulquiorra, "YOU DID THIS! YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY? WELL IT'S NOT!"

Before Ulquiorra could react to this sudden accusation, he tackled him, sending both arrancar flying down the stairs headfirst. They fell with a slam onto the hard white floor of the front hall. The hard, _concrete_ floor of the front hall.

"That…hurt," mumbled Ulquiorra, rubbing his head.

"Yeah?" demanded Grimmjow, still furious, "Well it's going to hurt a lot more."

He was prepared to pummel Ulquiorra to pieces, when Aizen came in.

Aizen was very flustered and anxious. In his left hand he held a giant box of chocolate. In his right, a large bouquet of flowers. Ichimaru came in through the door carrying several bottles of perfume. Tousen followed closely behind, holding a box of romantic manga.

"What's all this for?" asked Ichimaru, apparently as confused as Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, "You dating a girl or something?"

"Aizen-sama has no time to date girls," replied Tousen, "This is obviously some brilliant plan. Surely even one of your intelligence can figure that out."

"You are dating a girl, Aizen-sama?" asked Ulquiorra, wide-eyed.

"A shinigami?" asked Grimmjow, not able to imagine Aizen with an arrancar.

"How about a human?" asked Orihime, suddenly coming in, "Oh! That's so romantic!"

"A human?" asked Ichimaru, "How old? You're not breaking any laws right?"

"Idiot," said Tousen, "Of course Aizen-sama is not breaking any laws."

"Is she Japanese?" asked Ulquiorra.

"Personally I prefer Italian," replied Grimmjow.

"Spanish," said Ulquiorra.

They all looked curiously at Aizen, who took a deep breath.

"I AM NOT DATING A GIRL!" he yelled.

"You're dating a girl?" asked Toki, suddenly coming in, "That's great! I'm going to tell everyone!"

He ran off before Aizen could react.

"Then what is all that stuff for?" asked a confused Ulquiorra.

"I told you it was an elaborate plan," muttered Tousen.

"You two," snapped Aizen, pointing at Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, "Take these to Kouga Suigetsu. She's in my room. Orihime, go back to the kitchen."

The three went off to do their respective jobs.

"What?" asked Aizen, when he noticed Ichimaru staring at him.

"You're dating your zanpakuto?" exclaimed Ichimaru.

"Wha-!?" exclaimed Aizen, "What got _that _into your head?"

"Is that okay?" wondered Ichimaru aloud.

"I am not dating anyone," yelled Aizen, "Now go get some pancakes. I think that was on Kouga Suigetsu's list too."

"Roger," said Ichimaru.

Then as he left, Aizen heard him mutter, "Isn't a zanpakuto part of one's soul. So if one is _dating_ it…"

"Tousen," ordered Aizen, "Make sure Ichimaru keeps his mouth tightly shut about the previous conversation."

"Yes, Aizen-sama," said Tousen, and he too, left.

A few hours later, Aizen was reviewing his propaganda speech, which was hard work. Gin's handwriting was beyond illegible. He thought of Gin's poor fukutaicho, Kira, who had to read his handwriting all day. Also, Gin seemed to be unable to abandon the habit of doodling. Just two days ago, Aizen had spent hours pondering on a sentence, which turned out to be an upside-down duck. Squinting, he deciphered another messily scrawled sentence.

_Curse you, Gin _thought Aizen. _You're going to make me really need glasses someday. _

After mistaking a deranged frog for an important sentence, Aizen seriously considered writing these speeches himself. Just as he was pondering on this idea, Loli and Melody came bursting in, sobbing.

"Oh Aizen-sama," sobbed Melody.

"How could you, Aizen-sama?" wailed Loli.

"What?" asked Aizen, bewildered.

_Did I forget their favorite brand of nail polish again? _He wondered. _It sucks to have your subordinates have a crush on you._

"How can you be planning on marrying your zanpakuto?" wailed Melody and Loli in unison.

"Wha-?!" exclaimed Aizen, shocked.

"Don't deny it," shrieked Loli, hysterically, "Toki-san gave us a full account and Ichimaru-san backed it up."

"They said you planned on marrying her in January," yelled Melody, through her tears.

"And that you'll have your honeymoon in Europe," wailed Loli, "I always wanted to go to Europe."

"Have two kids," cried Melody.

"Is that Natsuko girl the older one, then?" demanded Loli, "Toki said she was."

"Oh Aizen-sama," they wailed in unison.

Then, upon noticing Aizen's expression, or rather expressions, they stopped sobbing. It was the first time they had seen shock turn to unfortunate realization to livid, unadulterated fury. Furiously, Aizen stepped over the two arrancar and yelled out down the hall, "Ichimaru! Toki! Get over here at once!" Then, possibly because he was blind with fury, he walked right into a wall.

"Need contacts?" inquired Ichimaru, as he popped up suddenly next to Aizen.

"That was some expression," said Toki, dropping down from the ceiling with a digital camcorder, "Say, ota-san, should we sell these to the highest bidder or Soul Society? I'm sure they don't know about Aizen's girlfriend yet."

He gestured toward the videos and photos.

"Don't worry," assured Ichimaru, "I called Rangiku and told her everything. Knowing her, all of Sould Society will find out in an hour or two. Even the Rukon district people."

"Great!" said Toki.

"You two," snarled Aizen, "Get inside. Now!"

"Say, Sosuke," said Ichimaru, "Should you start making wedding preparations as well as war preparations?"

"W&W preparations for short!" said Toki.

"GET IN, NOW!" yelled Aizen.

Ichimaru and Toki went in.

Seeing Aizen's expression, Loli and Melody quickly got out.

"Sit," seethed Aizen, gesturing to a pair of chairs.

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Toki, sitting down.

"Yeah," said Ichimaru, "My chair has some dried blood on it."

"Ack!" exclaimed Toki, "I just sat on an _ear. _Hey! It's squishy."

"What is that?" wondered Ichimaru, looking up, "Oh! I know! It's one of those electric chair thingies. I saw it once on some violent movie Grimmjow rented. They put you in a chair and zap you with a million volts."

"Mine says 'Danger. One billion volts'," announced Toki, craning his neck to read the label.

"Shut up!" snapped Aizen, "Shut up and trembled in fear like you're supposed to."

"Tremble?" asked Toki, "Sorry, can't. It's too hot in this room."

"You're lucky," remarked Ichimaru, "I've got long sleeves, so it's three times worse."

Shaking his head, Aizen pushed a button, effectively gagging and holding both victims in place. Then, smirking, he began the torture session.


	5. Chapter 5

Smirking, Aizen strode to the front of the room and pulled down a giant screen. Then, he took something that looked suspiciously like a VCR and hooked it to the screen. Then, he turned on the screen. The words "History of the World by Takeda Takashi (a.k.a. the most boring teacher on Earth)" flashed across the screen. Ichimaru and Toki looked at each other in confusion. What kind of bizarre torture was this? They turned their attention back to the screen.

Meanwhile, Aizen stuck headphones into each victim's ears and began playing classical music. Very slow and very soft classical music. Then, he sat down in his chair, closed his eyes, and waited for the tortured screams to begin. Five minutes passed and neither Ichimaru nor Toki uttered a single sound. Ten minutes passed and still nothing. Frowning, Aizen opened his eyes. Toki was asleep and Ichimaru was staring at the screen with great interest.

"Why is he asleep," yelled Aizen.

"Probably got bored," said Ichimaru, through his gag.

"Why are you talking funnier than usual?" asked Aizen.

"I'm gagged," replied Ichimaru, simply.

Yelling with frustration, Aizen tore off Ichimaru's gag and yelled, "Why are you so interested in the film? It's suppose to be boring!"

"But it's interesting," answered Ichimaru, "If I had known history was this interesting, I never would have skipped out in history class."

"What about the music?" asked Aizen, shrilly, "You _hate _classical."

"I only said that to shut you up," replied Ichimaru, "Remember that one time when you were trying to play the violin…"

"It was perfectly good music," growled Aizen, his face red with embarrassment.

"What was?" asked Tousen, suddenly coming in.

"It wasn't perfectly good," said Ichimaru.

"You!" yelled Aizen, jabbing a finger at Tousen, "You're just as guilty as he is. Didn't I tell you to make sure that Ichimaru kept his mouth shut?"

"I apologize for my clumsiness, Aizen-sama," said Tousen, bowing, "But I could not find Ichimaru."

"You're all against me!" shrieked Aizen hysterically, "You all hate me!"

"What's going on?" asked Toki, who suddenly woke up.

Tearing off his gag, he added, "Aizen's and emo, now?"

"Apparently so," replied Ichimaru.

Aizen was about to yell at Ichimaru and Toki, when a foot came crashing onto his head, forcing him to lie sprawled on the ground.

"What's going on here?" demanded Natsuko, stepping off of Aizen, "I leave you here and you get into a giant mess?"

She turned her gaze to Toki and smiled sweetly.

"Did you know that the punishment for drawing one's sword inside Edo Castle was seppuku?" she asked, sweetly.

"B-But I didn't draw my sword and this isn't Edo Castle," stammered Toki.

"No matter!" cried Natsuko, "Ichimaru Toki, it's time for your seppuku!"

"Nooooooooo!" wailed Toki.


	6. Chapter 6

"Don't you dare," yelled Aizen, "I just had this carpet cleaned."

"Ota-san," said Natsuko, sweetly, "I have the upmost respect for you…"

"When someone says that you know they don't mean it," muttered Toki.

"…but are you out of your mind? Don't you know the only way to teach someone manners is to give them a lesson they'll never forget?"

"True," said Tousen, "But seppuku is too much."

"Yep. And you can't remember anything if you're dead," added Ichimaru.

"Everyone needs a little tough love," snapped Natsuko, "Right, ota-san?"

"I know how to run things. Don't lecture me," snarled Aizen.

"You don't know how to run things," protested Ichimaru, "Remember that time when…"

"Shut up, Gin."

As the four argued chaotically, they failed to notice a certain twelve-year old boy slip out of the room. By the time they finished, most of them, the exception being Ichimaru, who was obviously enjoying the whole thing, were furious and speechless and did not notice Toki's absence.

Natsuko was in a terrible mood. This mood was even worse than her normal terrible moods. Her terrible moods could be rated on a scale of one to five, with one being a normal tantrum and five being a thousand times worse than the result of telling Kuchiki Rukia that her drawings were lower than the lowest essence in existence. The current mood she was in was probably a six. Her antagonist was none other than Ichimaru Toki. It might come as a surprise, but Aizen Natsuko was fiercely loyal to her entire family. She had defended her father against Kurosaki's scandalous insults and protected her mother from furious shinigami. That had been when she was the only shinigami child in Hueco Mundo. Then, Toki came along. This was a new type of enemy, as she could not physically harm him. She learned to ignore his little tricks, which were scarce back at home. She had done the same in this place. Ignoring his sudden intrusion and food contest was easy. However, the carebear prank was where she drew the line. No one embarrassed her father like this and got away with it. She was plotting her revenge, but now she had another problem to deal with.

"Akiko-chan," said Ichimaru, "You shouldn't be wandering around the human world like this. A little, precious girl could easily get lost."

"It's Natsuko," growled Natsuko.

This man was probably just as infuriating as Toki. He insisted on calling her the wrong name and following her around. When she became fed up and decided to do a little shopping in the human world, he insisted that she would get lost or abducted and assigned several arrancar to be her bodyguards. Being the daughter of _the _Aizen Sosuke, Natsuko was used to the more maternal arrancar fussing over her, but seventeen bodyguards was ridiculous. And of course Ichimaru himself came along to annoy her a bit more.

"Can we go home now?" whined an arrancar, "My feet hurt."

"You're welcome to," muttered Natsuko, as she rifled through several outfits.

"Of course not," said Ichimaru with mock horror, "You can't leave Fuyuko-chan here all by herself."

"Natsuko," snarled Natsuko, "And do not call me chan."

"Hey, look," cried another arrancar, "There's that other kid. And Tullio."

He pointed to the bridge where Toki and Tullio were sitting, watching a soccer game.

"What is he doing here?" asked Natsuko, suspiciously as she rushed off toward the bridge.

Ichimaru followed out of curiosity and the arrancar stayed put, not knowing if they should do what was right or what was sensible. The right thing was to obey their original order and follow, but the more tempting option was the sensible thing, which was to return to Hueco Mundo and avoid having to deal with Natsuko's terrible mood.  
"Toki!" yelled Natsuko, as she approached the bridge.

Ichimaru, who was without a gigai and therefore had shunpo as an available option was already there.

"Hey," he said, "Haruko is here."

"H-Haruko?" gasped Toki, staring at Natsuko, "Y-You're transgender!"

He staggered back and nearly toppled off the bridge.

"Idiot!" yelled Natsuko, "What gave you that idea?"

"Haru is a boy's name," replied Toki.

"What does that have to do with anything?" shouted Natsuko, "And it's not my name!"

After a moment's pause in which she decided it was pointless to talk sense into Toki, she asked, "What are you doing here?"

"We are hiding in the human world until the flames cool down back at Las Noches," answered Tullio.

"Flames?" inquired Natsuko.

"Old man Aizen found me trying to fill a whole tower with paint balloons," complained Toki, "I thought he was still fuming, but he ran in on me just as I was adding the last balloons,"

"Old man?" asked Natsuko, resentfully.

"Next time try the west tower," suggested Ichimaru, "Aizen never goes there."

"Don't give him ideas," snapped Natsuko.

"I wasn't giving him _ideas_," protested Ichimaru, "You must realize, Kisetsuko, I was merely giving him fatherly advice."

"QUIT CALLING ME WEIRD NAMES!" screamed Natsuko.

"There's nothing weird about Kisetsuko," said Toki, grinning, "It's an _adorable_ name."

"I don't want to be adorable!"

"You'll rather be an ugly, old cow?"

"Shut up, Ichimaru-san."

"Why don't _I_ get a 'Ichimaru-san'?"

"Because you're younger than me."

"Wait! If this san thing is be age, then I'll have to call you…. Aizen-dono!"

"What's that suppose to mean? Are you calling me old?"

"Now, now, kids, there's no need to argue. And besides, Akiko, guys like quiet girls."

"No they don't!"

"Your dad liked quiet girls."

"Shut up. Mother was an exception."

"Your conversation must be most intriguing, Ichimaru-san, Natsuko, Toki, but trouble is heading this way," said Tullio, gravely.

From the bridge, they could all clearly see Kurosaki Ichigo and his friends making their way toward them.

Note: the "natsu" in Natsuko means summer, so Ichimaru is calling Natsuko by the different seasons of the year plus the suffix "Ko"


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, Kurosaki," said Ichimaru, lazily greeting said person.

"You!" snarled Ichigo, reaching for his badge thing (a.k.a. the metal object he obtained from Ukitake that had, has, and will have little significance). "What are you doing here?"

"Just visiting," replied Gin, carelessly. "Don't worry, we won't stay long. Or rather _can't _stay long, 'cause…"

"And you are?" inquired Natsuko, cutting Ichimaru off rather unceremoniously.

"Kurosaki Ichigo," replied Ichigo, proudly. "Don't worry, children, I'll save you!"

At this, all four of them looked around, searching for the "children" that were to be saved by an egotistic high school student dressed in a shinigami uniform, carrying a ridiculously large sword.

"Ah… Ichigo," whispered Chad, "I think now isn't really the best time to –ah- be challenging other people-er- I mean _people shaped beings._"

"What are you talking about?" demanded Ichigo, annoyed. "This is the perfect time to show all our readers my super awesome vizard form!"

"We're _supposed_ to be looking for Orihime, you fool!" screamed Ishida. "Not picking fights with ex-captains, arrancar, and kids."

"B-b-but," stuttered Ichigo, "But what about my super awesome vizard form? It's totally awesome and-and-and cool!"

"Well, you can show it off _later_," hissed Ishida. "Now hurry up or we'll leave you here."

Ichigo was about to come up with another retort when a relatively brilliant idea came to him.

"I've got it!" he exclaimed, excitedly. "I'll beat up these guys with my super awesome vizard form, rescue the kids, you guys will tie up Ichimaru and that arrancar while the kids shower me with compliments and praise, and we'll hold them ransom!"

"Why would we want to hold the kids ransom?" asked Chad, confused.

"No, no," corrected Ichigo. "We'll hold Ichimaru and the arrancar ransom and exchange them for Orihime. No! Better yet, we'll invade Hueco Mundo anyway and rescue Orihime while Aizen is still deciding if he wants to give up Inoue or his right-hand-man. That way, I can rescue the damsel in distress!"

"Actually," interrupted Toki, "Inoue's not really in any distress. She's quite happy. Plus, she has Kon to keep her company."

"And," added Tullio, "there's not way that you're going to defeat me, much less Ichimaru-sama."

"This is ridiculous," griped Natsuko. "Why did we come here in the first place."

"I'm bored," complained Gin, "and hungry."

"Yeah," agreed Toki, "I'm hungry too."

"Now that you mention it," grumbled Natsuko, "I haven't had any lunch."

"Well, Ichimaru-sama, Ichimaru-san, and Aizen-san," said Tullio, "I suggest we go get something to eat."

"Excellent!" said Natsuko, cheering up from her terrible mood at the prospect of food. "You must be the only sensible person here!"

The four of them headed in the direction Tullio had suggested, completely ignoring Ichigo, which did not sit very well with our hero.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Get back here so I can show everyone my super awesome vizard form!"

"Put a sock in it," yelled back Natsuko.

"Wait!" wailed Ichigo. "Don't go! I-I need to rescue someone! I-I need to show off my super awesome vizard form! No! No! Don't goooooooo….."

His voice trailed off as he fainted from being deprived from performing heroic acts for too long. Ishida and Chad exchanged a look that was something between contempt and pity. Then, they picked up Ichigo and half dragged, half carried him to Urahara Shoten.

At the entrance of the train station of Karakura, was a large sign. The words the sign was displaying was nearly unreadable due to bad weather and vandalism, but the sign is not the object our attention should be focused upon. The object-or rather person- that deserves our attention at this moment and the two children sitting under the sign, playing poker. The one that appeared to be older seemed about twelve. He had wavy, blond hair the fell over his shiny, black eyes. The other one had light brown hair that stuck up at odd angles and pale, translucent eyes. They both had deathly pale skin and a bored expression. Upon finishing their fifteenth round, the older of the two stood up and strolled toward the parking garage, without waiting for his companion, who acted as if nothing had happened and continued dealing the cards.

"Where are you going?" the younger boy finally asked.

"I sensed something," replied the older boy without turning around. "You can come if you want."

"I don't need your permission," replied the younger boy. "I sense it too, but unlike you, I have identified it, so there is no need for me to search for it."

"You have identified it?" echoed the older boy, turning around. "Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you," smirked the younger boy.

"Because you do not know what it is," replied the older boy. "Therefore you have not identified it, so you were lying to me."

The younger boy shrugged and returned to dealing the cards.

"Just bear in mind," he added, "that you don't want to find it."

"Why not?" replied the older boy, slightly vexed.

"You just don't," his companion replied.

"It's getting nearer!" exclaimed the older boy. "It's-it's _Toki_?"

"I warned you," said the younger boy, cleaning up the cards. "Oh, look, how pleasant. He brought a few friends."

The older boy swore under his breath as Toki, Gin, and Natsuko approached them.

"Hey Jikan!" greeted Toki.

"Hello," replied the younger boy. "I see you brought Natsuko. And Gin."

"What are you doing here?" asked Natsuko, addressing the older boy.

"I've got a right," snapped the older boy. "Jikan and I were bored, so we came here."

"Actually," corrected Jikan, "we were forced to."

"Yeah, yeah," said the older boy.

"So that's all?" asked Natsuko. "Just you and Hirohito?"

"Why'd you come here, Roto?" asked Toki.

"It's _Hirohito_," snapped the older boy. "I was forced to."

"I'm tired," said Jikan. "Where are you staying, Toki?"

"Las Noches," replied Toki. "I'm a bit tired myself. Let's get going. Don't want to miss dinner, do we?"

"We do if Inoue is doing the cooking," muttered Ichimaru.

Aizen sat in his throne, surveying all he ruled, and dreaming of delusions of grandeur. In his current delusion, he was lounging in the King's white palace (or at least he imagined it to be white). His loyal arrancar were attending to his every whim and even Ichimaru was not making his usual sarcastic comments. At the corner of the room he imagined he was currently in, was a long, narrow door. He heard footsteps and smiled, thinking it was Kurosaki Ichigo, here to make a big scene, only to be squashed by him, Aizen. The door creaked open and in came Ichimaru loudly saying, "Hey, Sosuke!" This snapped Aizen out of his daydream and he refocused on the scene before him. The arrancar, Tullio, stood off at the side, looking rather nervous. Toki had apparently snuck off, obviously to cause more mischief. Natsuko was looking annoyed and Ichimaru was, as usual, smirking in his direction. Two boys that he had never seen before stood next to Natsuko.

"And this is?" began Aizen, impatiently.

"Hirohito," said the older of the two boys, "This is my companion, and half-brother, Jikan. We came to your time shortly after the arrival of my sister, but did not see fit to enter with such short notice, so we waited a while."

"Your sister?" echoed Aizen.

"Yes," replied Hirohito, "I thought you have already met Natsuko. Did she not mention me?"

"And this is your half-brother?" asked Aizen, completely ignoring Hirohito.

"Yes," answered Hirohito.

"What is this?" yelled Aizen. "How many children _do _I have? I mean will have?"

"Actually," said Jikan, gazing at Aizen with his pale, translucent eyes, "I am not your son. I am related to Hirohito and Natsuko through my mother."

"Then whose son are you?" asked Aizen, not convinced.

"Ichimaru Gin's," replied Jikan. "If you are not convinced, there are paternity tests…"

"Yeah," sniggered Hirohito. "You should have seen Father's expression when he found out Mother was cheating on him."

"Gin!" yelled Aizen.

"What?" replied Gin. "I didn't do anything. Yet."

"This is your fault!"

"What?"

"You took Toki and Natsuko out and now look: they've multiplied!"

"…."

"This is all your fault!"

"Might I suggest a therapist?"

"Your fault! Your fault! You're all against me!"

"…"


End file.
